There have been times in all of our lives when we’ve really, deeply wanted to get back at someone else for a slight — perceived or actual. Most of the time we are too polite, too bound by the norms of society to get even with whoever wronged us, but sometimes we get our vengeance in truly petty ways.
Petty vengeance may be as simple and relatively harmless as switching the salt and sugar before someone puts it in their coffee, or hiding around a corner and spooking them when they walk by. Sometimes petty vengeance goes farther, though — maybe too far.
These are stories from internet denizens all around the world describing the time they got their petty vengeance. Let’s hope none of them went too far trying to get even!
57. Interrupting The Game
I have large trees in my yard. My neighbor next door blows all the leaves into my yard with his lawn mower. He says they’re my leaves from my tree. In doing so, he also leaves all of his grass clippings mixed in with the leaves. I blew them back; he called the cops. This happened several times.
His TV cable is buried in my yard. It runs from a pole underground through ten feet of my yard. During the local football game, I took a shovel and jumped on it. He lost TV and Wi-fi for two days. The cable company ran a new line. It messed up my yard a bit, but I know where it is. Just in case.
56. More Pain Than Intended
My mother had really bad asthma and allergies and made us kids rake up the leaves. This was not an easy task. They would get several feet deep if we didn’t do it often enough. One day we raked the whole yard into these giant piles for the city to come pick up. This took several hours.
The next morning, they were scattered all over. We raked them again over several more hours and it happened again. Apparently, the neighborhood bully was knocking them over just to be a jerk.
The next time, we made a super huge pile around the fire hydrant hoping he’d kick them and hurt his foot. Nope, this time he decided to do a run and jump. I watched it peeking through the blinds. He ended up breaking several bones.
I didn’t even feel bad.
55. Invincible Mailbox
When I was a kid, our mailbox got taken out like once a month. Finally, after the 10th mailbox and post, my dad was fed up. So he got an eight-foot I-beam and buried it four feet down and filled in the hole with Quickrete.
Next time it got hit, the jerk wrapped his car around it. Like the mailbox/pole was sticking out of the middle of his car.
After that, I don’t think the mailbox was ever hit again.
54. “Broken” TV
My brother-in-law did something to irritate my wife back when they were in high school.
My wife turned off the TV, wrote “broken” on a piece of paper taped to the TV, shut off the power strip, and flipped the batteries around in the remote. It took my brother-in-law several days to figure it out.
53. It’s Mine, Apparently
I went to a restaurant for brunch. Upon receiving my bill I noticed a $3 charge for table linen. As I was leaving I folded up the tablecloth. The waiter said, “What are you doing?” I said, “I paid for it, I’m taking it home.” And I did.
52. It Smells Your Fear
A girl in high school did something to annoy me. I can’t even remember what it was. She made it well-known to everyone that she was terrified of Furbys. So I brought one to school, found people in all of her classes, and passed it along between them so that it followed her all day. She ended up having a panic attack; I almost felt bad.
51. The Worst Smell!
I know a girl that broke up with her idiot boyfriend and moved out. But before she left she hid potatoes all over his house where he couldn’t find them, so that when they rot months and months later he will never get rid of the smell.
50. Charitable Vengeance
I’m a hairstylist and I got fired from a salon job over some nepotistic hogwash. Luckily, I had about 60 free haircut cards lying around my apartment. So I donated them all to a charity that helps recent parolees get back on their feet.
On one hand, it’s nice to help people. On the other, it’s also nice to know that they’ll probably use the free haircut card, never come back, and not tip the stylists.
49. Pettiness, Delivered
My neighbor flipped out on me because my dog was sniffing her lawn and yelled, “Get your dog off my lawn! Don’t let him poop on my lawn!” It really got to me so I ordered 500 boxes from USPS to her house every two weeks for a few months (you can order up to 500 of any size for free).
I also mixed five bullion cubes for chicken broth (usually you use like two or three for a large pot of soup) into a water bottle with a hole in the cap and I’d just spray it all over the last foot or so of her lawn the whole length every day for a few weeks so that every dog, cat, and stray/wild animal would go sniff her lawn every time they passed by it.
48. Obedience Or Consequence
My girl told me that the neighbor across the street was instructing his dog to go poop on our lawn. At first, I doubted he was telling his dog to do that, but I was home sick for a few days and saw it myself. I asked the owner to stop it and he said the dog wouldn’t listen. When I asked him to at least clean up the poop, he said his dog was only peeing.
We had our own dog and I took a week’s worth of his land mines plus the neighbor’s dog’s poops for the week and walked across the street and threw them all over his front yard and walkway one night.
Somehow the neighbor’s dog listened after that and never pooped in my yard again.
47. Return To Sender
When I was about 14, I was walking down a road with my friend. Some older teenagers in a car pulled up next to us, threw an egg right at me, and then sped off. Somehow, the egg hit me in the shoulder and then landed on the ground without exploding. It was still intact.
The kids did a U-turn and came around to inspect the damage. My friend picked up the egg and threw it right back at their car. Their window was down, and my friend hit them right at the base of the driver’s side window, creating a perfect airburst. The egg exploded everywhere.
46. Dosing Out His Own Medicine
My neighbor watches TV at night loudly. I’ve asked nicely for him to lower it (I’m a nursing student, so I need what little sleep I get). Long story short, he wouldn’t lower it, and my apartment complex says it’s not loud enough to be considered a disturbance.
I now play heavy metal music during the day and put the speaker right by the neighbor’s wall, so he’s not able to sleep during the day. The music is a disturbance, but it’s not loud enough for the complex to consider it a disturbance, so they can’t do anything about it.
45. Free Food For Vengeance’ Sake
I worked in a restaurant with a jerk in the early days of touchscreen point-of-sale systems. Whenever he forgot to log out, I would enter duplicate orders for his tables under his account. Management thought he was a complete idiot and eventually he was even questioning himself. Meanwhile, the rest of the staff got free food.
44. Not A Good Fit
My grandma, when she was a teenager, was sent to an all-girls school with dorms, uniforms, and the whole shebang. Well, my grandma isn’t an all-girls school type of lady and would sneak out at night by leaving a window cracked open with a shoe. One of the girls at the school did not like my grandma and one night took her shoe out of the window, locking it. This makes it so you have to enter through the front, where a nun was stationed 24/7.
To retaliate, my grandma took a massive poop in this girl’s bed, then remade it. Yeah, my grandma didn’t last too long at that school.
43. Early Wakeup Call
I work as a hotel housekeeper. I was abused by an obnoxious special snowflake guest. During her room service, I set her bedside alarm clock to go off, full volume, at 2 a.m.
42. Psycho Coworker
In my old department, there was this dispatcher who probably shouldn’t be a dispatcher. We’ll call him G.
One day, G needed to stay home for the gas and electric people to do some work on his home. Instead of taking a whole day off, he made the mistake of telling our boss that he’ll be at work no later than noon, but he could be there sooner if it’s really busy. G said he’d call to see how we were doing to see if he needed to come in early. I was left to dispatch for that day.
I came in at 6 a.m. Starting at 7 a.m., he called numerous times. By the time it reached 9, G must have called at least 20 times. Each time he said the same exact thing: “Is it busy? How does it look? Do I need to come in?” By the 20th call, I got fed up and told him that it’s really busy and we could use the help if he’s able to show up. He hesitated because he had no one to watch the house, but eventually agreed and said he’ll be at work in a few minutes.
When he came in, I let him know about the workload. He realized that it wasn’t that busy and asked why I did that. My response? “Because you called me more than a psycho ex. I had to stop you somehow.” Our boss wouldn’t let him leave and thought the whole thing was hilarious especially since G knows better than to do things like that to me.
41. South And More South
I was working at a call center. My coworker, who has a very rich southern accent, gets a call in. The woman on the other line detects her accent and gives her a hard time. She then requests someone “intelligent” with “better English”. My coworker tells the woman her English is fine and she can assist her. The lady says something to the effect of, “Just transfer me to someone else, tramp.” My coworker then sends her to the SPANISH line. I just about died from the laughter.
40. Caught Red-Tongued
Someone kept stealing snacks from my little sister’s lunch that was in her locker in elementary school. They even left the wrappers there. My sister had a suspect in mind but her teacher did not want to act on it. So we decided to prepare some Lindt chocolates: We scooped the middle part and put some Sriracha in them. The next day, the kid did indeed fall into our trap and came back from her ”bathroom trip” with a red face and tearing eyes. She stopped stealing from my sister’s locker after that.
38. Cheaters Get Cheated
When I found out my then-husband was sleeping with a coworker for over two years, he was in Denmark on business. I took every penny out of our joint account and opened a new account at a different bank. When he called to ask why his debit card didn’t work, I acted puzzled. This went on for days until he called the bank. In the meantime, I’d gotten an attorney and filed for divorce, and changed all the locks. I also took his phone and threw it into the Mississippi River.
37. Restaurant Playground
This was about 15 years ago, in college, while I was a host at a crummy Mexican restaurant.
It’s a normal, busy Saturday night, and this guy walks in, right past me. He circles through the whole restaurant, comes back, and points out the table he wants to sit at. I do exactly as he asks.
I knew what he was doing. He did not want to sit by any kids. Now, what happened next was completely avoidable, but he had angered me by acting like a smug jerk.
I proceeded to surround him with every party including kids. Loud kids, messy kids, small kids, birthday parties, I’ve got the perfect seat for you!
I could see that he was ready to erupt, but it was too dang funny. He came up and yelled at me in front of the entire restaurant for the slights. I played dumb and then went in the back and laughed my butt off with everyone else.
36. The Gift Of Pettiness
I gave my jerk sister-in-law a beautifully wrapped (like, tight wrapping paper with so much perfectly curled ribbon) copy of Toxic In-Laws at her bridal shower. I obviously did not attend said shower, so she likely opened the gift in front of the crowd, for maximum embarrassment.
Yes, yes, it made me look ridiculous, no doubt, but I know the irony probably shook her good, which was my goal.
35. Treat Others As You Want To Be Treated
One of my biggest pet peeves is when somebody buys something, but instead of handing me the money, they plop it down on the counter.
So one guy came up and was being… undesirable. Grown man. When it comes time to pay, he grabs a wad of crumpled cash and throws it on the counter in front of me. I stare at it for a few moments and eventually the guy says something along the lines of, “The money’s right there, you can count it!”
So being the petty little guy I am, I pick it up, thumb through it incredibly slowly (about 30-45 seconds without exaggeration), and this guy is giving me the ANGRIEST look. I open the register to grab his change and I go to set it on the counter. He tries to dip his hand beneath mine to grab it so I slide my hand to the side and drop it on the counter. I slide the item he bought across the counter and look up and smile with a, “Have a very nice day sir.”
He storms off and I ask if he’d like his receipt. When comes back and tries to snatch it out of my hand, he instead rips it in half and it took all of my energy not to bust out into tears. I will go to any lengths to peeve people off if they treat me like I’m subhuman.
34. Revenge Clap
I think one of the most satisfactory ones for me was when I got back at my bullies. I got into fights because I’d physically defend friends weaker, smaller, and younger than me. Eventually, the bullies had had enough. The main girl literally recruited two years worth of bullies. My friends sat at our usual table. The hall was weirdly empty, then came in ALL the bullies and sat at two (eight-person each) tables.
Three of them came up to me. They started insulting us. One grabbed my fork and started eating my pasta. She then picked up my cardboard juice box, stuck the straw in it, and started drinking. I clapped my hands together and all the juice flooded into her mouth where she was forced to splutter it all down herself. The rest of the bullies found this hilarious, and, not having a nice fun fight to get involved in, left.
The main bully with the juice all over her started yelling at me. I said, “Oh yeah? You and what army?” She panicked and fled. I ate my pasta and one of my friends shared their drink with me.
33. Drying Up After Him
My roommate in college used to get out of the shower dripping wet and leave water all over the bathroom floor. I asked him several times to dry himself off in the shower but he refused. Rather than get angry about it, I just started drying off the bathroom floor every morning with his bath towel.
32. Concrete Pumpkin
I have a friend whose pumpkin/fall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. It happened every year. So my friend decided to put a stop to it.
He withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. He filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display.
The jerk broke the axle of his crappy car when he hit that pumpkin. He could not drive away. My friend had his car towed.
31. Long-Term And Expensive
Back in 2001, I was cheated on by a guy I dated for a few years. After we broke up, I went to Walmart’s book aisle. I grabbed about 40 subscription postcards out of the magazines and filled them all out with his name and address. I marked the ‘bill me later option’ and mailed them slowly over a few weeks.
Five years later, we hung out via mutual friends, and in the garage, there were so many magazines that the two-car garage was a one car garage. Three years after this, we were talking and he mentioned how his credit was screwed up because he didn’t pay for some magazine subscriptions and they turned him in to the collection agency.
30. Burning In The Bathroom
Several coworkers and I noticed that our lunches and drinks would constantly go missing, even when clearly marked. One of my coworkers was a diabetic and it ended up causing him to have a hypoglycaemic incident due to having his food taken.
So after that, things got serious. He brought in a lunch that was laced with laxatives and a Carolina reaper extract oil. The previous diabetic incident was well documented and HR at this point was now aware of the food bandit. Luckily, that day, he hit the jackpot.
Turns out it was someone from HR who was taking people’s food. We heard a blood-curdling scream when the guy took his first bite and he was caught red-handed. It only got better from there. He stayed in the office the remainder of the day as things were sorted out. However, he ended up in the bathroom suffering even more. So not only did he get his mouth burned, he was pooping his brains out at the same time.
29. Micro-Managed Alarms
I was at my mom’s for Christmas Eve one year with my husband. I was pregnant and she had been getting on my nerves because she micromanages the holidays and my siblings and I just wanted to relax. She also had a brand-new iPhone and I knew her password.
So I set her alarm to come on every hour on the hour starting at midnight and stopping at 7 a.m. I also changed the alarm tone every hour. One was a dog barking, which set off her two Shih Tzu-poodle mix dogs for almost 45 minutes before the next alarm went off 15 minutes later.
It was the best feeling in the world to hand over her phone after setting up those alarms, knowing what was going to happen. It’s one of my most cherished memories.
28. Hiding Rolls
My little sister NEVER changes the toilet paper roll. Like totally empty, roll under the counter, doesn’t bother to change it. So I collected the empty rolls for about four months, and the next time she did it I took all of them, pulled up her sheets, and hid them all under the form-fitting sheet on the bed.
It took her a long time to find all of them.
27. Don’t Touch My Peanut Butter
My roommate kept on grabbing my peanut butter without asking, so I bought a bottle of laxative and made sure all of it went into the jar. I locked the bathroom door when I left in the morning. He pooped on himself and all over his bed — it was so bad he had to buy a new one.
26. Collective Coffee Revenge
I worked at a coffee shop in high school and this businessman came in every morning. He was always extremely rude and treated all the baristas like we were garbage. This guy truly talked to us like we were worthless servants. Buddy would order a quad shot americano, so we collectively started pouring him only decaf. He would sometimes come in on his lunch break and would muse out loud about how coffee just didn’t get him going like it used to.
25. Sweet And Sticky
My ex cheated.
There was a dollar store near her work that I liked. So I went in and spent a dollar on a giant bag of gummy bears. I opened the and ate one. It was sweet! I had another! So good! These were my favorite gummy bears by far! I felt bad for wasting them by throwing them on her windshield on a hot day… but it was totally worth it.
24. Bed Time, Not Game Time
When my husband and I got our first apartment together, we lived with someone who didn’t have much going on schedule-wise and would stay up until 3 or 4 a.m. playing video games online with friends and shouting. We asked him to be quieter after midnight because both my husband and I had early mornings, but he would always do that thing where he was quiet for about 10 minutes and then got even louder than before.
So my husband started unplugging/replugging the internet box after midnight and then when he knocked on our door and asked if we knew why the internet was out, we’d play dumb and promise to call Comcast in the morning.
23. Crushed Tacos
I was working at a taco place in the drive-thru, and this one customer was being so rude.
He ordered some things, I repeated back his order, and he said I was completely wrong and wasn’t listening. Then he kept yelling at me through the speaker. When he got to the window, he didn’t even look at me when he handed over his money.
Of course, I was angry. One of the things he ordered was ten crunchy tacos with mild sauce. Before I gave him his tacos, I “checked” his ten tacos and crushed seven of them. Then I threw in twelve packets of Diablo sauce and only two packets of mild sauce.
22. Your Music, Then My Music
Neighbors had a party with karaoke (pretty bad karaoke) that lasted until about 4 a.m., blasting the speakers with Rancheritas, Corridos, bad oldies Spanish pop.
I decided to wash my car with speakers blasting Cannibal Corpse at 6 a.m. when they had just gone to sleep.
The next time they had a party, they came over beforehand and said it was going to be over by midnight. It was.
21. Tiny Book Ruiner
Whenever I fought with or got mad at my parents when I was very young (five to seven years old), instead of giving them attitude, I’d just bite my tongue… then later sneak into their bedroom and rip out the following five to ten pages of whatever book they were reading at the time. I was a tiny little passive-aggressive psycho.
20. A Deserved Loss
My former roommate/best friend out of the blue started spreading completely fabricated rumors about me. When I heard about them, I didn’t confront her or call her out.
Instead, I blocked her in every way, took all my stuff out of our shared storage unit and never reminded her about paying her half. Months later, she showed up on my doorstep to tell me that they had repoed everything in the unit.
She had every childhood photo, family heirlooms, expensive furniture, and a small jewelry collection in there.
Got what she deserved as far as I’m concerned.
A neighbor tried to hit my cat when she was chilling on his lawn. I got so annoyed, I ordered a ton of catnip seeds from Amazon, and threw it all over his lawn. The cat situation got so bad for him that he had to move out.
18. Snow-Shoveled In
When I lived in this apartment complex, there was a huge blizzard one winter. The apartment complex had a parking lot. I was parked in the space right in front of my apartment. It took me three hours to shovel out my car and the space, toting the snow to the grassy areas instead of just throwing it into the lot or other spaces. It was brutal.
I leave for work that night, and the jerk neighbor, who was parked in the space next to mine… brushed off his car a little, pulled out of his space without shoveling and parked in the space I had just shoveled.
I WAS PEEVED.
So I spent another two or so hours shoveling out the space he had been parked in… directly onto his car.
17. A Card Not Stolen
I worked at a small stationery store in the early 90s. I had a customer who was the rudest I’ve ever met. He paid with his credit card, so I copied his card details to a post-it note. Later that day, I called his credit card company, claiming to be the guy and reporting the card as stolen so they would stop it.
I figured the next clerk he belittled in a store would have his best day ever.
I don’t remember what my older sister did, but I had to pay it back, with interest. So the eight-year-old old me makes a jar of lemonade (both of us loved it), threw in a lot of pepper sauce, stirred it until it was at the right color again, closed almost every water valve of the house, hid every water bottle, then offered her some. I watched her drain the cup quickly, then her eyes widened and she went crazy searching for water. She finally got some in our gramma’s shower; that was in the opposite side of the house.
15. Splash Back
I was on a transatlantic flight and was sitting on the first row of the plane. The woman next to me had a baby in a crib and a small child. She sat on the opposite end of the row from me and sat her toddler right next to me leaving an empty seat between her and her kid; I had no issue with any of it until food arrived and the child started moving around a lot and kicking my computer and was making it impossible for me to eat; I asked her politely to do something about this and her reply was that it is known that those seats are for people with children. I was so angry I couldn’t eat. I took my tiny wine bottle to the bathroom and filled it up with water. Then I waited. When she took the kid to the toilet I proceeded to pour the water on the seat next to me. They came back and after 10 minutes the kid said to the mother that he is wet. She sat the child in the other seat and put a towel on the wet seat and sat there. Didn’t say a word to me. I think I slept the rest of the flight.
14. No Credit For You
I worked on a TV show where I was one of several people overseeing the end credits. I had hooked up with a crew member after telling him I liked him and was interested in dating him. He enthusiastically agreed, slept with me, and THEN informed me (a week later) he wasn’t interested in dating. I was heartbroken but also … mad. When the credits made their way to me, noticed they were missing a letter from his last name. I didn’t point it out, and they were published incorrectly. No regrets.
In high school I once had a friend who, whenever I would buy a Pepsi would come up and take it from the table and take a drink without asking. He did this almost every week until I had enough and I wanted revenge. I had a friend who dipped (chewed on chewing tobacco ) and he would spit into a water bottle. Out in his truck he’d always have a water water filled with his brown spit and chewed up cancer leaves. I asked him if I could have it and with an odd look he obliged. I went with the bottle of tobacco spit and bought a Pepsi. Went to the bathroom and poured out only half of the Pepsi so the can would still be cold. I poured the saliva inside the Pepsi can and went to our before class social hour. I out the can on the table and say “don’t even think about touching my drink. I’m going to the bathroom be right back” well he did what he did every week. I come back only the room and there is throw up all over the floor and he’s gagging. I start hysterically laughing and he immediately gets pissed. He threw several bibles at me in a fit of rage while I couldn’t for the life of me stop laughing. To this day he thinks it was ketchup in the Pepsi.
12. Spicy Breakup
My then boyfriend took me out to dinner to Nando’s. Before we’d even ordered, he told me that when he was at a party the previous week, he’d slept with someone else. We were going to see a show after and I was not NOT going to go. So he gave me some money and asked me to get him what he had last time. Went to the till and ordered. I got the asked the question “and what level of spice would he like?”
He hates spicy food so I ordered extra hot. When dinner arrived he proceeded to tell me that I was immature. I was the immature one?! Ok boy bye!
11. A Fishy Goodbye
Not me but my best friend. She worked at the busiest big box membership warehouse in the area for about 20 years. Everything about that store was total chaos, the parking situation, the busloads of international tourists that were constantly in there buying up all of the vitamins, and the super-rich entitled a-holes for whom no rules applied, and that doesn’t even cover her coworkers. The TV in the break room was always at top volume which caused everyone who was in there to talk over the TV so there was never a moment’s peace when she would take breaks.
She finally couldn’t take it anymore and applied for a position at another store that was less busy and closer to her house. On her last day at the madhouse she went into the break room right before she left. No one was on a break then so she unplugged the cable connection on the back of the TV and put a piece of fish in the microwave and set it for 10 minutes. Then she clocked out and left and laughed her butt off on the way home. It wasn’t fantasy level revenge, but it was enough to satisfy her and that’s all that matters.
Back in my junior year in college, my roommate was an idiot. We shared a standard size dorm room, and he would stay up till 4am screaming and shouting at the TV (my TV) while playing Modern Warfare 2. I dealt with it throughout the year, but during finals week, I finally snapped and planned my revenge.
He was leaving first and had all his gear packed, but went to have lunch with his parents, who were there helping him move out. That gave me an hour to unpack his precious xbox 360, with the MW2 disk still inside, and put it into my microwave and run it for about 10 seconds on high. Just enough time to fry the disk and hopefully damage the internals. I then repacked it and bid him a fond farewell when he came back to finish gathering everything. Haven’t spoken to him since.
9. Nobody Is Fine Here
I had some pretty monstrous roommates – destroyed my property, stole, didn’t pay bills, even threatened me with violence. Overheard them loudly arguing one night because their car registration got revoked for non-payment of insurance.
The next time they parked on the street, I called the police and claimed to be a resident complaining that they parked on my property. They came to check and of course ran the plates. I was very pleased to hear all about how their car was towed away and it cost them some $2000 to get it back after all the fees.
8. This Shampoo Isn’t Working
My exbf was a real bad guy. Manipulative, narcissistic and really good at gaslighting. When I broke up with him finally he threatened to take my car and report me to my child’s school for having her enrolled but not living in the town (even though my child’s father lived in said town she went to school at…which ex knew). Anyway I was so pissed off over being threatened that while I took a shower I pissed in his shampoo…multiple times over the course of two weeks. It was in a clear bottle and I was surprised he didn’t notice the yellow tinge to it. When he finally moved out of the apartment (he refused to leave at first because I think he wanted to see how difficult he could make my life…he suddenly needed to move out though after he found out I was dating my husband) he still had the shampoo and you could clearly tell there was something wrong with it because there was nasty stuff clumped at the bottom of it…was what I did childish yes it was and I do regret for stooping so low…but oh did it feel so good at the time.
7. My Friends Suck
I had a “friend” named Jimi who I played music with. I had to go out of state for several weeks for work and during that time my only roommate moved out with the help of Jimi (I owned the house by the way). Jimi, knowing that nobody was there for another week or so decided to let himself in through the dog door and rummage through everything in my room. Thank god for my nest cam. He was in my room for about 10 minutes going through every drawer. Left and came back a few minutes later to do a final sweep. The last image on the camera was him noticing the camera and a literal jaw drop before he unplugged it.
As revenge, I took the video, posted it to facebook and tagged all of our mutual friends. Got a call 5 minutes later with the most frantic apology and him begging me to take down the post. Fuck Jimi.
6. I Will Be Wiping Away My Tears….You Won’t
When my wife and I were selling our house, I had a huge work table in the garage. I told the real estate agents that of course it would be gone by closing. There was another workbench up against one wall that was permanently mounted. The buyers freaked out about it, saying that I had agreed to remove it, and threatened to back out of the sale. Then they offered to remove it themselves if we paid them. We were busy moving and buying a house; I didn’t have time to deal with it, so we paid.
As I was doing my final walk through to make sure we had moved everything out, I went through all the bathrooms and took every roll of toilet paper with me when I left.
5. Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Free
I was eating dinner at a restaurant with my boyfriend. The table next to us was a group of 7 or 8 young high school age girls. They were making fun of us, saying “only fat people date fat people”. My boyfriend had put his arm around me as he overheard them and noticed I was getting uncomfortable. One girl then put her arm around another girl, mocking us, saying it was a “wide stretch”. I got up, found their water, and paid for their entire meal. When they opened the bill and saw nothing they froze. The waiter told them I paid for it. I remember being a shitty 17 year old. I wanted to embarrass them. It worked.
4. A Stone Castle
We were kids staying at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she’d cry.
We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of jerk older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly. So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the jerk kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The howls and the pained looks on their faces were the best revenge ever.
3. Don’t Eat The Yellow Pizza
I lived in an apartment with a roommate. We had neighbors who would throw crazy parties pretty frequently, often times during the week. One day, my roommate who had to be awake early got fed up and decided to pee on a metal pizza pan and stick it in the freezer. After a crazy party he pulled the pan out, and flipped it upside down, giving him a frozen disc of pee. He then slid that disc under their door where it would melt on their fully carpeted entryway. We woke up to them shouting at the people who crashed there, demanding to know who peed on the floor and what the heck was wrong with them.
2. Sign Your Work
My ex cheated on me while I was deployed. She wound up getting engaged to the guy. Before I changed duty stations, she reached out to say goodbye. We hooked up. While she was asleep, I found his underwear drawer and left a note that said, “Cheaters cheat. By the way, I didn’t use protection.” I signed it. Hard not to think fondly on that memory…
1. Personal Drinks
I used to work at Target. In the break room, we have a fridge which we all use. A couple of days in a row, I would buy orange and apple juice to take home and write a note saying, “Please do not drink”. Of course, by the time I got off and decided to get my juice, it would be gone or half gone.
Annoyed after dealing with this for about five days, I bought a large apple and orange juice and the strongest laxative in the store. I mixed them and left it the fridge with the same note as usual. The next five hours of my shift were the best ever. I mean, just about everyone was going — from the store manager cutting meetings short to cashiers leaving in the middle of transactions.