I have a bell hanging on my front door that my dogs ring when I need to take them out. My husky started ringing it and when I got dressed and put my shoes on, she would go lay in my spot on the bed and not go out.

Once I called her bluff and didn’t get up from the bed. So she pooped on the floor. Absolute power move.

I have a potbellied pig named Luau. I was outside on my patio working on a craft project while I let him run around the yard. He kept coming up and bumping against the table to see if I had a treat or would pet him and messing me up, so I put a spray bottle of water next to me. He knows it and doesn’t like getting sprayed, so will stay away and exercise instead of bothering me.

I went inside for a minute, came back out and the spray bottle was way on the other side of the yard and Luau had climbed into my seat and was standing there happily wagging his little pig tail.

I bought my 10 lb dogs this gigantic plush bed to put on my side of the bed because I’m tired of sleeping with them. Figured I’d have to babygate them there for the first few nights but no big deal.

The first night it went okay, a little whining, quickly settled down and went to sleep. The second night, my girl dog, who I’ve had since she was a puppy, decided she was not going to stand for this inhumane mistreatment, and literally stood on her back feet and SCREAMED. I’ve never heard a dog make the freaking noise this banshee was making. I thought she was dying.

I moved the babygate to get to her and she stopped screaming and hopped up on my bed and curled up like she usually does like nothing was ever wrong.

My dog hardly ever barks and is very well-behaved. When we go for walks, every dog we walk past in my neighborhood barks ferociously at him. He pees in their yards. Only in their yards.

On time he managed to get 3 tennis balls in his mouth at the dog park.

He hasn’t been able to do it again since that one time, but he routinely walks around with two in his mouth and looks at the other dogs like “check me out.”

I have a Blue Heeler dog. I was moving to Germany, and selling things on Let Go. She did not like the idea of people taking our stuff. So she started getting aggressive.

So when I saw it starting to happen, when the next customer arrived, she got put in a bedroom.

The next time a customer arrived, she grabbed a stuffed animal and put it in her mouth as if to say, “I will not act like I will bite someone” AND carried the animal around in her mouth the entire time the people were there. Kids petted her, everyone thought she was so cute, etc.

For the next 2 weeks as I sold stuff, when people came over, she had a stuffed animal in her mouth

One time my bird was really mad about bedtime. She flew to the curtain, peeped loudly until I watched, then pooped on the curtain while looking straight at me. She was poop trained and definitely knew what she was doing.

This is definitely my fault because I’ve encouraged it but it’s still funny. Everyday I come home from work and give my two kids a hug or a pat on the head or some show of affection. The dog will whine and follow me around the house until I drop to both knees on the floor and give him a hug.

I had a foster dog once and while we weren’t home she somehow scooting her crate all the way into the living room and managed to stick her entire head through the bars to chew through one of the important cords on our TV. So we were left without sound for like 2 months.

Took my Australian Shepherd on a weekend trip with a new boyfriend, she was forced to sleep on the floor for the weekend. The night I got home she waited for me to get into bed, jumped onto the bed, looked me dead in the face and peed on me… Message received loud and clear on that one.

I’m at my computer desk, playing Civilization. I had only adopted my cat a few months before this, and he’s finally getting to like me. Or at least he likes to watch me do stuff. The desk is one of those L- shaped ones. I have my monitor where your monitor goes, and I had a glass of water, TV remote, and other stuff on the perpendicular part of the desk.

The cat evidently thought “You like games? I’ll show you some games” and he methodically and calmly pushed every object off the desk with his paw. Slowly. Like he’d sit upright beside the remote, and just push it off. Then walk over to a coaster, sit upright beside it, and push it off. I grabbed the glass of water before he could shove that off, but he considered it a moral victory anyway. He flopped down on his side, and stared at me like “what you gon’ do?”

My friend and at-the-time-roomate’s dog got out and ran into the highway. Got hit by a car going 50-55mph.

The driver took him to the vet. We got the call and go and get him to find out that he had an itty bitty scratch on his knee… and that’s about it. He literally took a hit by a car, was sent flying, and walked away from it with no injuries.

Rhodesian ridgebacks are tough as nails.

We have a specific plant in our garden (Euphorbias for garden nerds) and my dog wouldn’t stop pooping on them. Them specifically. So I took some firewood planks and stuck them in the ground as a makeshift fence around them.

It worked for a few days until she crawled past the gap between the plant and the hedge, did a reverse turn and pooped on my plant again. Persistence at its best!

Ok, so this is a little gross, just FYI.

My golden retriever brought back a whole deer leg once. A whole leg. From hoof to hip. Saw him walking up from the field and thought he had a big stick until I saw the pink dangly bits. Absolutely no idea where he got it. I search our entire 12 acre property and the adjoining neighbor’s 20 acres. Didn’t find anything.

He was so proud of it too. Didn’t try to eat it or anything, just proudly brought it back to show me, like it was his new special stick and I would throw it for him. My mom was horrified. The best part was the dog’s name was Buck.

I have a 95 lb Weim dog that is just made of steel. When he stands, he’s taller than I am. He does not have an ounce of fat on his body — just bands of muscle wrapped around his chest and legs.

I also have a temperamental 12 lb cat that he is terrified of.

The dog occasionally tries to work up the nerve to give the cat a friendly boop.

She turns around and lets him lick her ass instead. He ducks his head and complies until she has had her fill like a good little serf, then she swats his face and runs him off.

My cat likes to wake me up every morning at 4 am meowing loudly and knocking off whatever he can find off my countertop. I decide to put him in me (very large) bathroom with food, water, toys, bed, and litter box. Poblano then proceeds to take the fattest cat dump I have ever seen in my life in my SINK.

I adopted this feral Calico act and she just barely tolerated me for 19 years. She was a real pain in the butt, especially medically, cost me a small fortune. But hey, I made the commitment. I used to say, “Any day now, it’s gonna happen! We’re gonna bond!”

Then, she was suddenly hanging out ON my bed. I looked around one night and was like, “Wait… wtf? There’s no food or water, no toys, there’s nothing up here for you.. unless… is it ME?”

A week later, she died. Made the entire 19 years worth it.

I have 5 cats. The youngest will wait until I clean every litter box in the house and throw the bag in the trash to decide that she wants to poop in one box, and then pee in another. I wondered for a while if this is the only time she goes and is just picky about having a clean box, but it’s not. This happens literally every time I clean their boxes. She’ll sit and watch me as I’m cleaning them too.

I put my pet mouse in a tall wooden box without a lid because I thought he couldn’t climb that high. He pooped in the box and covered his paws in it, which I think provided him with the friction required to climb. He made it to the top and I had to put him back into the box, but it was quite impressive.

Jumped from the highest point of the cat tree (about 8 ft) halfway across the kitchen all for a fly in midair. Poor Albus misses it entirely, falls to the kitchen table, hits his midsection on the edge of the table, bounces backwards against the chair, and finally lands on his feet on the floor. Dude shakes it off and continues chasing the fly like nothing happened. He did end up eventually catching the fly.

Every time I feed my beagle some meat he always comes up to me and shoves his mouth next to my nose to let me know he just ate some good stuff.

I was taking my dog out for a walk. We were about 8 minutes into our walk, and he normally doesn’t poop until the end of our walk at about 20 minutes (then we walk back 20 minutes).

He wanted to take a new route, so I was letting him lead and we pass a house that had two really annoying dogs that were howling and just mean growling and barking at him. So he walked back, I turn around and watched as he walked onto the edge of their grass with the fence between them, then he squatted and took the biggest dump he’s ever taken while making eye contact with the dogs.

Would have only been better if he could have said “leave it.”

My dad called our cat a lazy useless S O B and complained that he never did anything and just laid around all day. The cat popped into the pasture, caught a mouse, brought it back into the house, and dropped it on my dad’s foot all in the space of five minutes. The mouse was still alive and I swear the cat made sure to stare my dad down before he ate it.

When I was a kid I had a Basset Hound named Fred, best dog ever. I also have a cat named Patches. Patches was a bit of a trouble maker. So she’d sit on the kitchen table and swat at the dog while we weren’t looking and would pester him into barking and chasing her across the house so then we’d yell at the dog and she’d just prance by as if she wasn’t at all responsible.

That poor dog. He was the best and that cat just pestered the crap out of him.

My sand boa, who was at the time thinner than my pinky finger, wrapped himself around my wrist the tightest he could and attempted to eat me. I pulled him off, pat his head, and put him back in his enclosure. Nice try, bud.

We got these hard circular treats that kind of looked like a burger patty for my dog Snoopy one day. He was so excited to try a new treat that he tried to bite it weirdly, like crunch it in one big bite, and it ended up getting stuck in his mouth. He was freaking out because he couldn’t close his mouth and was running all over the house, but wouldn’t let any of us help him. Eventually, he got tired and let us help him break it but he seemed more careful around those treats after that.

My dog used to hunt and drag back deer. Mostly fawns, but sometimes you would see him come back with a full doe.

One winter he dragged a fawn into our underhouse area, turned it into a meat locker. He would run around the house and disappear for hours until we realized he was chomping on his deer flavored meatcicle.

(Lived in mountains, gravel roads, few neighbors, free roaming dog at time.)

We had a kitty with extra toes. He would pick things up to leave in my shoes as gifts. Usually hair ties, a toy mouse, or sometimes paper. At a party, he picked up a twenty dollar bill out of a friends pocket sitting on the floor. Then in front of everyone walked over and stuck it in my shoe across the room. He was a good kitty. No one would have ever believed me if they didn’t see it happen. It was hilarious.

My dog will push things out of my hand if he feels he isn’t being given enough attention. Had a few friends over recently since I just got my old SNES set up and someone had to pet him at all times while we played or else he’d try and sit on our hands. He isn’t aggressive about it at all (that would be a different story) he just tries to sit on our hands.

When my dog, a male Corgi was little, we were once on a walk with two female Corgis. He tried to be all alpha and pee with his leg up, but he lost his balance. So, instead he continued by holding his front paw up. Like, ladies, try not to get excited!

My kitten thought he could take out the vacuum cleaner after hiding from it, his tail got sucked up (not a power head roller – don’t worry he’s fine – just the tube) and now whenever I vacuum he decides on top of the kitchen cabinets is where he’d like to be.

I have a 35lb mutt who is very, very good at hunting. So much so that we do not let her off leash save in our backyard and in fenced dog parks because she’s a menace to wildlife.

So, she is on her 6ft leash and we’re hiking like we do most days at a local trail. She suddenly darts off to the left and into the underbrush and then emerges with a groundhog, shakes it once, and it’s dead. If you’ve never dealt with a groundhog, they’re nasty fellows.

Well okay then… guess even on a 6ft leash you’re still a menace to society!

Dog came in me and SO’s room while we were partaking in…activities…and watched for a second then left. 1 minute later he came back in with his favorite stuffed animal toy and started humping it vigorously right there. Flexing dog tried to show me up!

My dog very frequently will steal the tissue/napkin/paper that someone is holding. Run off with it, begin shredding it. The second they get up to take back their item and yell at him — he loops back around and steals your food.

He has tricked my husband out of full slices of pizza. On multiple occasions.

She caught a centipede.

It was an awful experience — it was pretty big and I’m guessing crawled up the bathtub drain, as that is where I found the cat after she was crying in there. She’s pretty quiet, so I try to answer when she’s meowing.

I saw the bug, said “nice job!” As she pawed it around and promptly decided to gtfo as I hate bugs. This is why I got a cat. She’ll deal with the bugs yeah?

No. Not good enough. She starts crying as soon as I turned around. She wanted me to watch her eat this bug! I am still so grossed out. Anytime I turned away she’d cry, make sure we had eye contact, and take a bite of the centipede.

She was just a kitten, still, so it was an alarming combo of adorable and grossed out.

We had a gathering yesterday and my SIL brought her 5 month old baby. My dog came up to her to investigate her toys. She was playing with it (a pink octopus plushie) so she pulled the toy away from him.

He went upstairs to his toy basket by his bed and brought out his blue monster, came back downstairs and made the rounds showing every family member his monster. Finally came up to the baby and put it in her face. As soon as she went to grab it, he pulled it out of her hands and walked around for another 10 minutes carrying it.

We all died laughing. They’re so cute together, we just have no idea what was going through his mind at the time.

I thought all dogs basically knew instinctively how to swim until my Bernese Mountain Dog fell into my dad’s pool one Thanksgiving (my dad lives in Florida). We walked out the back door and she walked right over to the in-ground pool and kept walking as if she thought the water would support her. She sank immediately and bobbed up and down like a cork until she was able to thrash her way over to the side and my husband could reach down and yank her out by the collar.

We have a raised backyard deck. Had the entrance blocked off so our dog wouldn’t rush down and bark at people walking in the alley.

We didn’t recognize her determination to tell the garbage truck that this was her packs turf and jumped over the railing, a 20 foot drop to the grass.

To her credit, she shook it off, slightly winded ran to the fence, and sure told that garbage truck off.

Our Sophie cat was in her soft carrier, on the waiting bench at the vet’s for a regular check-up. I was on one side of her and my husband was on the other side of her. This BEAUTIFUL Shiba Inu comes prancing on by and Sophie lets out this GUTTER growl and tries to attack the dog by running through the carrier and knocks the carrier, with her in it, on the ground, to try to get that bloody dog.

My darling, sweet kitty Neville was a sucker for people food. I would usually make her an extra chicken breast when I cooked so that she’d leave us alone while we ate instead of trying to swipe food off our plates.

Once, I forgot. Big mistake.

She got all swirly around my legs as I was cooking, but the chicken was already spiced to go on some nachos so I couldn’t share. She was annoyed with me. When the nachos were done my husband and I sat down to watch some garbage TV and shove garbage food into our faces when we heard a *SMASH* from the kitchen. We both leaped up to check it out and while we did that Neville ran straight to the nachos. She had climbed on a very high shelf and batted my french press off it so it smashed everywhere on the floor. Of course I am a slob so it was full of that morning’s grounds. Huge mess.

That cat ate all the chicken and some of the cheese off those nachos and we ordered a pizza. Aside from some smelly poops, there were no health consequences for her.

She outsmarted us. She made a plan, executed her plan, and it worked flawlessly. She deserved that chicken.

I miss her very much, smartest cat I’ve ever known.

When I was 7 or 8 I had a golden lab puppy. We let her out in the backyard (supervised) and she was running around. She zoomed down the slope, launched herself over the canal, made it about two-thirds across before we heard an enormous splash.

She never once got near water again. We put in a swimming pool when I was 12 or so and she was terrified of it.

My current dog, a 45 pound pit bull mix, has been taught that while I don’t mind a lick on the cheek, my wife doesn’t like face licks. She’s also been taught to do Eskimo kisses. She’ll do it a few times over the course of a few days, until she’s lulled my wife into a false sense of security, and then she’ll come in for a boop and SCHHLLLLUUUURP! right across my wife’s mouth. I get all the schadenfreude from that.

I used to have a big lazy old Newfoundland named Buddy. Our backyard backed up to a main road and on the other side of the main road was another backyard. One day I was outside working on a car. Buddy was dutifully laying next to my feet. The neighbors across the street had a little yappy dog that was constantly barking for 15 or 20 minutes. Old buddy groaned as he stood up and slowly walked to the back of our yard and gave a single, deep, loud, WOOOF! Yappy dog stopped barking and was quiet. Buddy slowly walked back to my feet and laid back down. I now know dog for “shut the f&ck up!”

My rabbit when I went out of town for a weekend. I lined up someone to stay with her. I was just heading back to my house when I got the call to get home NOW because the rabbit was acting weird. Listless, turning down treats…. all things that point to the beginnings of GI Stasis which is bad.

I get home and sit with her for about 20 min. Yep, she’s showing signs. Get her to the emergency vet.

$300 for the vet to tell me her diagnosis: drama queen. The rabbit was just upset that I wasn’t home.

My son always winds our dog up any which way he can, he usually grabs hold of his nose and paws to try and make him play fight but ours won’t play fight as he’s a wuss. I kept saying he would get him back. My son was going out and he put his shoe on only to find a puddle of pee in it. it was only in his shoe, not on the carpet around it, on any other shoe or item, just that one shoe of his. Nice one Bailey!

I adopted Wade after I divorced my ex wife. I didn’t want to split her from the cats we adopted together since I was leaving her and all. So, after she moved out I was struggling with a lot of stress and decided I’d sure like another companion since I was missing the cats I did have.

After some searching, I found Wade for sale at a pet store. He’s a beautiful brown tabby, with classic brown/black striping, and a pretty big boy all things considered, real pair of mittens on him. I knew that we were meant to be when I opened his cage, and the first thing he did was headbutt me.

I bring him home, and we get acquainted over time. I learn that he’s incredibly loving, and chatty, he loves following me around and wants as much attention as possible. I also learn that he’s sneezy, sneezy to the point I go get him checked out. The vet told me to give him a lysine powder twice a day with some wet food, which will help mitigate the symptoms. No problem, I’m happy to spoil my sweet boy as much as he wants.

I keep up on it, and we move in with a couple of my friends whom I live with for the next 4 years. They adore Wade as well, and he quickly becomes our little sneezy mascot for the house, constantly being showered in attention by either his dad or one of his uncles.

Now, even with the powder treatment, Wade is a sneezy boy. The worst part is feeling awful for him when he’s sneezing, knowing how uncomfortable he must be. Part of our coping mechanism for his sneezing (outside of constant petting, wet food, and adoration) is making fun of Wade for being adorable and useless. We would regularly hold conversations with Wade (he’s got a lot to say), responding to his meows in outrage at how offensive he could be, and reminding him that he’d never survive out in the wild with nobody to make his wet food for him (I mix it with a little hot water, and change the blend for every feeding, who wouldn’t want some variety in their diet?).

So, one afternoon, I’m sitting in our screened in porch having a drink with one of my roommates while Wade keeps us company. As we’re talking, there’s a moth flying around our heads that Wade is watching intently. We’re sitting in lawn chairs so the moth is probably only 4 feet off the ground or so. As we sit and drink, we’re joking around and berating Wade for being so lazy as this moth flits about without a care in the world. We joke and joke, as Wade sits there, receiving head scratches and watching the moth.

After about 10 minutes of goofery, the moth dips slightly lower than it had before, and Wade LAUNCHES off the ground, and in one motion catches the moth between his paws and brings it down to the ground and then EATS IT IN FRONT OF US.

From that moment on, we showed Wade the respect he deserves as an unparalleled hunter, even if he is a lazy little mofo.