Expats Guide to Love
Searching for love abroad has become more and more common for American men. Whether they are “Passport Bros” or not, there are still a lot of cultural, emotional, and practical differences between dating in the States and dating abroad. With that in mind, here are 20 tips to make the most of the experience while maintaining realistic expectations.
1. The Right Reasons
If you are planning on going abroad to meet someone, don't do it for the sole purpose of meeting someone who is "under your thumb." Instead, do it for the right reasons and you'll have no problem meeting the right people. Go because you enjoy learning about different cultures and people, and not because you want to meet someone to control.
2. Traditional Values
Women in most cultures tend to be more conservative in their ideas about relationships and have high expectations for a man who can provide stability and protection. This is not to say you have to give up your independence. It just means you need to be familiar with local customs. If you are okay with traditional roles between men and women, you can create beautiful relationships.
3. Choose the Right Country
It’s important to note that not every country is right for you. Each country has a different culture, dating norms, and social expectations, and you should do your research before you take the plunge. Get to know the dynamics of relationships there, what women look for in men, and how foreigners are regarded. Picking a country is not so much about choosing the “easiest” place to find girls as it is about choosing the one that best fits your intentions, lifestyle, and values.
4. Keep Your Eyes Open
Sometimes you might miss love if you aren’t paying attention. So be sure to put your phone down and disconnect from the internet to truly experience your surroundings. When you're active and present, it’ll be far easier to strike up conversations and meet people.
5. Immerse in the Culture
Dating in other countries can be confusing, even off-putting, because of differences in customs, rituals, and social rules. For example, in some cultures, men always pay for the first date, while in others, it's women's responsibility. When you start passing judgment based on your own culture's norms, you're going to feel boxed in. Ask questions, observe, and try to understand the logic and thinking behind what you don't know or don't understand.
6. Pack Accordingly
Packing for traveling and packing for dating aren’t always the same thing. In addition to your beach clothes and sleepwear, be sure to grab some nice outfits for dates. Keep in mind that you need to be prepared for dates when you’re overseas.
7. Prepare for the Possibilities
Don’t overbook yourself when you’re on your vacation. You want to make sure you have time and opportunities to be spontaneous and meet people. It might also help to check out local festivals and events that might help you meet people.
8. Be Romantic
Don’t get too lost in the expectations and transactions that you forget about romance. Love is one of the most important parts of any relationship, and you shouldn’t put it in the backburner just because you’re eager to get married or bring someone back home. So enjoy the journey and don’t focus too much on the destination.
9. Be Wary of Scams
The unfortunate reality is that the same openness of online and international dating that can lead to love also attracts people looking to prey on those searching for love abroad. Be wary of anyone who asks you for money right away, pushes things along too quickly emotionally, or who seems to always have an excuse for not meeting in person. All genuine relationships are built over time and are based on mutual trust and honesty.
10. Prioritize Dating
While there are lots of perks to traveling, be sure to actually prioritize the dating experience. And remember, dating isn’t the same as just casually meeting people. Dating is about actual romance, setting up experiences, and truly getting to know someone.
11. Research the Culture
Every country has a different dating culture. So make sure you understand what you’re getting yourself into. For instance, research the country you want to go to ahead of time to make sure you don’t accidentally disrespect your potential partner.
12. Avoid Workplace Romances
If you’re traveling for work, be sure to avoid dating people you work with. This can lead to awkward situations. So if your work is taking you on a trip somewhere, prioritize meeting the locals and people outside of work.
13. Learn the Language
Even learning a few phrases can help you connect with people you otherwise would not be able to. Once you know which country you want to visit, take some time to prepare. Learn some romantic phrases, or perhaps practical ones, like how to invite somebody out.
14. Stay Up to Date
Be sure to stay on top of current news surrounding the country you want to go to. Travel policies are always changing, and you don’t want to accidentally visit a place that wouldn’t facilitate a good dating environment. Additionally, staying up to date will make you appear more knowledgeable to your potential partners.
15. Don’t Fall for Myths
Lots of countries have myths about their locals. For instance, some countries are stereotypically known to have cold and standoffish people, while others might have their populations dumbed down. Remember that these stereotypes are not all-encompassing, and individuals absolutely vary.
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16. Go on Multiple Dates
Don’t just seal the deal after one date; you have to spend way more time getting to know the person. A normal rule of thumb is to go on at least three dates before trying to set up any exclusivity or intimacy. But either way, don’t rush the process and really get to know the person.
Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
17. Don’t Make Excuses
It's very easy to blame time, language, or temporary living situations for a lack of effort in dating. These are just excuses that will leave you stagnant and alone. Even if you're only living abroad for a few years, it's possible to create long-lasting relationships and broaden your social circle.
Jonathan J. Castellon on Unsplash
18. Try Online Dating
In many countries, dating apps are the most common way to meet serious partners, especially across Europe and Asia. Online activity is a great way to build up your social network and meet locals and fellow expats. Don’t give up on a person if it doesn’t light up immediately; dating abroad is a game of patience and curiosity. Someone might lead you to “the one” further down the road.
19. Too Good to Be True
If it’s too good to be true, then it might just be. So make sure you’re up for the challenge and responsibilities that come with dating abroad, whether that means avoiding scams or accepting some of the transactional necessities of the give and take. Of course, not every person who wants to date you is motivated by self-interest, nor is it a good idea to get involved with anyone with your guard constantly up.
20. Set Expectations
Not all international relationships will be strictly based on love; sometimes there may be a more practical or transactional element at play. Some of your partners may anticipate or require money, assistance with immigration, or the promise of a different life. Be realistic with yourself about your boundaries and express these early on. Clarity on each other's expectations from the outset can prevent future disappointment and ensure the relationship is grounded in honesty rather than assumption.
