Passengers Who Should Stay At Port
Whether you've been on one cruise or a dozen, you've likely encountered some of the most annoying types of people on the planet. Not all of these people realize how much of a menace they're being; others take joy in inconveniencing their fellow cruisers. Here are 20 passengers to watch out for if you want to enjoy your voyage.
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1. The Influencer
No matter how big your cruise is, the influencer will think that they're the main character of the entire voyage. Recording people without their consent, throwing a hissy fit over shots, and expecting special treatment are all behaviors that should have stayed on land. Whether they have a hundred followers or a million, they're guaranteed to get on your nerves.
2. The Chair Hog
The early bird gets the worm, and the chair hog gets the prime pool-front real estate. Chair hogs come in two types: those who lounge around all day saving seats for people, and those who leave their gear on chairs for hours but never show. Many cruise lines have implemented protocol for unattended gear, but chair hogs won't give up easily.
3. The Traffic Cone
"Traffic cone" is slang for passengers who stop dead in their tracks, causing everyone to swerve around them. Traffic cones can, predictably, lead to congestion in crowded areas and even injuries. Don't be a traffic cone.
4. The Wannabe Tour Guide
The wannabe tour guide read one, maybe one and a half books on your destination(s) and simply must tell you about it. They're sure to pronounce everything with an overemphasized accent, share basic facts as though they're arcane knowledge, and think they know better than the locals. There's a reason you aren't paying for this person to show you around.
5. The Clueless Parents
Keeping track of kids is hard, we get it. Unfortunately, the clueless parents think that being on vacation means that they don't have to watch over their kids. Their children could be re-enacting the plot of Lord Of The Flies in the kids' club, and parents would just shrug it off with the excuse that they're on island time.
6. The Grumpy Husband
The grumpy husband is a subspecies of the "I hate my wife" guy who makes you wondered how he even got married in the first place. He needs everyone to know that he hates cruises, he's having the worst time of his life. He's only doing this to placate his wife, and is failing miserably.
7. The Competitive Cruiser
Oh, this is your first cruise? Well, the competitive cruiser will have you know that they have been on 50 cruises in the past five years, and this one simply does not compare to this uber-exclusive cruise they took the other week that's only available for platinum gold car executive members and is only available during certain phases of the moon. Vacationing isn't a competition, people!
8. The Partiers
People who emotionally never left Greek Row will find a way to turn even the most sedate of voyages into a booze cruise for the ages. Partiers turn all-you-can-drink packages into personal challenges to see who can do the most damage to their liver. Alert a crew member if you catch them out and about, especially if it's windy.
9. The Tightwad
The tightwad is already spending their kid's inheritance on this cruise, so why should they bother tipping the staff? Everything on the ship is a hidden charge anyway, so they're not going to pinch every penny they possibly can. There's a difference between mindful spending and bragging about how you never tip your service workers.
10. The Big Eater
The big eater treats every meal like it's their last. Teetering around tables with plates piled sky-high with food they may not even eat, the big eater wants to get their money's worth at every meal. Their gluttony causes mess and longer lines for other passengers as well as potential food waste.
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11. The Balcony Smoker
You will smell the balcony smoker well before you meet them in person. An occasional cigarette to help unwind is fine, but when they're funnelling enough smoke onto your balcony to make you wonder if the ship is on fire, then maybe it's time to think about quitting.
12. The Shut-In
Sightings of this type of passenger are akin to spotting bigfoot. Honestly, we aren't quite sure why someone would go on a cruise just to stay locked in their cabin the whole time. When do the crew even get in for cleaning?
13. The Disrespectful Tourist
The polar opposite of the wannabe tour guide, the disrespectful tourist does no research on any ports of call they dock at and are floored by the culture shock. At best, this passenger learns a valuable lesson about respecting other cultures; at worst, they're openly derisive of locals and their customs.
14. The Bored Teens
We feel for teens dragged onto family cruises, we really do. They're in the awkward age where they can't drink but aren't content to play mermaids in the pool all day. Most kids/teens clubs on board are well-intentioned, but probably geared towards a slightly too-young audience.
15. The Latchkey Kids
Even on vacation, children need some semblance of a schedule. Latchkey kids are used to forging their own paths, which can lead to gangs of ruffians stalking the pool and arcade. Regular meal and cool-down times will keep kids and other passengers level-headed.
16. The Chatterbox
Being a closed environment, there are only so many places you can go to avoid a person short of throwing yourself overboard. Some lonely souls use this to their advantage by trying to become buddy-buddy with the first person that strikes up a conversation. We feel bad for chatterboxes, but at the end of the day, we don't want to answer personal questions in the hot tub.
17. The DJ
The ship pays someone to DJ for a reason, and that someone is not you. Nothing ruins the poolside ambience like that one guy with a portable speaker who needs everyone to listen to his favorite song.
18. The Trash Bag
Nothing says "look how cool and affected I am" like leaving your trash around to get blown into the ocean. Yes, there is janitorial staff on board, but cleaning up after yourself should be common courtesy.
19. The Couple On The Rocks
If you relationships is heading to splitsville, maybe don't book the vacation where you're crammed onto a big ship with several hundred other people. The cruise environment will only cause more stress in your relationship. Some things just aren't meant to be.
20. The Latecomers
One of the worst (or best) things about cruises are their refusal to wait for anyone. Latecomers take the concept of "fashionably late" to new heights. Not only will they be five minutes late to every meal, event, and disembarkment, but they'll expect the whole ship to compensate for their tardiness.
